


You ask me to enter, but then you make me crawl

by jule1122



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alex Manes Deserves Nice Things, Alex Manes Loves Michael Guerin, Angst with a Happy Ending, Future Fic, M/M, Malex Week 2020, Michael Guerin Deserves Nice Things, Michael Guerin Loves Alex Manes, Secret Marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:01:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25271311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jule1122/pseuds/jule1122
Summary: He strides back into Kyle’s office with a cockiness he doesn’t feel.  He doesn’t answer any of the questions about where he went, just takes the paper from his pocket and hands it to Kyle.  “Show this to whoever is in charge and tell them I will be making all of Alex’s medical decisions, and I demand immediate access to my husband.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 75
Kudos: 409





	You ask me to enter, but then you make me crawl

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Day 2 of Malex Week which is Trope Day. I decided to try a secret marriage fic with a wildly inaccurate medical situation thrown in for good measure. It also gets pretty sappy.
> 
> Title is from "One" by U2

Michael doesn’t know what he did to deserve being in a group chat with Kyle Valenti of all people. But Kyle is the least likely of all of them to abuse the SOS feature so he dutifully shows up in Kyle’s office instead of pretending he lost his phone. Michael finds Max, Liz, Maria, Rosa and fucking Forrest all crowded in the small room, but no Alex. It takes Alex the longest to get back from base, he reminds himself, he’s probably on his way. He tries to ignore the fact that there is no reason for Forrest to be there unless he was already with Alex. Then Kyle shuts the door and says, “Good, you’re all here,” and Michael’s blood runs cold.

“Alex was in an accident this morning. He and Forrest were out for a run,” Kyle nods to Forrest who continues the story.

“He stopped to tie his shoe. I was a few feet ahead so I didn’t see it happen, but this car came up over the curb and hit him.”

Michael doesn’t even breathe as he lets the others throw questions at Kyle and Forrest. It’s only the complete misery on Forrest’s face that stops him from yelling, I wouldn’t have looked away from him, I would have stopped the car, I would have protected him.

“Where is he?” Michael finally asks loudly enough to be heard. His hand is already on the door. This is all a waste of time, he just needs to see Alex.

“He’s in the ICU.”

“ICU? How fast was the car going?” Max is the one to ask.

Kyle sighs. “Most of his injuries are minor. A few broken ribs, his new blade was destroyed which is going to piss him off, he’ll need a decent amount of physical therapy on his leg before he replaces it with anything. But he took a pretty significant blow to the head. There is some swelling that should be addressed immediately.”

“What are you waiting for?” Michael looks meaningfully between Kyle and Max.

Kyle sighs again, and Michael knows he’s not going to like what he says.

“It’s complicated. One of the paramedics is in the reserves. He recognized Alex and called his commanding officer on the way in who in turn notified his next of kin. I wasn’t on duty so by the time I found out Alex was here, things were already in motion.”

“What things?” Michael asks at the same time Liz says, “Who is Alex’s next of kin?”

“Flint.”

That one word plunges the room into silence as they try to process what that means. Finally, it’s Forrest who speaks.

“Flint is Alex’s brother, right? The one who. . .?” he trails off, obviously waiting for someone to fill in the blanks.

The rest of them trade glances and shrugged shoulders. Michael thinks for the millionth time life would be easier if Alex had just cut Forrest off once he decided he wasn’t ready for the serious relationship Forrest wanted. Instead they stayed friends, and now the rest of them were in the awkward position of figuring out what Forrest knew because the correct answer is Flint is the brother who kidnapped Alex last year.

“Flint is the most like their father,” is what Liz finally settles on. “He and Alex don’t get along.”

“He wants Alex transferred to the military hospital in Albuquerque. He demanded we stop all treatment until that happens, and he also banned visitors. There’s a guard posted outside Alex’s door.”

Michael rolls his eyes, “That seems a little excessive.”

“You know how narrow minded Flint is,” Kyle looks back and forth between Michael and Max. “He claims he’s trying to protect Alex.”

“He’s just like Jesse, has to throw his weight around.” Flint knows Michael won’t let a guard stop him from seeing Alex, and the bastard’s counting on it. Michael makes a scene in the hospital, and Flint will have him in a cell before he knows it.

“He can’t do that, can he?” Maria asks.

“Since Alex can’t make decisions for himself, he can. If we don’t do something about the swelling in Alex’s brain, I’m not sure he’ll survive the transfer. And even if he does,” Kyle throws his hands in the air.

“Who knows where Flint is really taking him. If Alex leaves this hospital, we’ll never see him again. Fuck!” Michael bangs his fist on Kyle’s desk. Flint could end up with both Alex and Michael under his control unless they find a way out of this that doesn’t get Michael arrested.

Maria runs a soothing hand down his back. “What about Greg? Can’t he be named Alex’s next of kin?”

“He and Isobel are at that retreat. We can’t reach them for at least another day or two,” Max reminds them.

“Even if we could reach him, it would just turn into a legal battle, and waste more time Alex doesn’t have. And since Isobel is with him, she can use her _influence_ at the hospital to help us out.”

“Give me five minutes with the motherfucker, and I’ll change his mind,” Rosa’s savageness is the first that’s made Michael want to smile.

“Rosa, you know Flint can’t see you,” Liz admonishes.

“Because of that time you keyed his car. He really holds a grudge,” Kyle finishes awkwardly, glancing again over at Forrest. “I asked for an injunction to take over his care, but the board isn’t inclined to support me. The Manes name still carries a lot of weight.”

“Fuck this,” Michael walks out, ignoring the chorus of people calling his name. When he gets to his truck, he slams his fists against the steering wheel before opening the glove compartment. He hesitates before taking the folded piece of paper he keeps paper clipped to the registration for the truck and the airstream. He opens it and traces his finger over their names. Ignoring the tears stinging his eyes, he folds it back up and sticks it in his shirt pocket. He doesn’t want to do this, but he’s out of options. He can’t keep wasting time when he knows how to force Flint out. There’s nothing he won’t do to save Alex no matter how much it’s going to blow up in his face.

He strides back into Kyle’s office with a cockiness he doesn’t feel. He doesn’t answer any of the questions about where he went, just takes the paper from his pocket and hands it to Kyle. “Show this to whoever is in charge and tell them I will be making all of Alex’s medical decisions, and I demand immediate access to my husband. Then get Flint thrown out.” 

Kyle opens and closes his mouth a few times but in the end just just leaves the office staring at the paper and shaking his head.

Michael sticks his hands in his pockets and rocks back on his heels. He twists a chain around the fingers of his right hand while he waits for the questions to start. At first everyone just stares at him, but finally Liz breaks the silence. “Mikey, what did you give Kyle?”

“A copy of my marriage certificate. Proof that I’m Alex’s next of kin, not Flint.”

“A real one?” Max asks in clear disbelief.

“No Maxwell, I have a counterfeiter on speed dial who can whip up a marriage certificate and deliver it in under five minutes,” Michael rolls his eyes. “Yes, it’s real.”

“How long?”

Michael closes his eyes at the fragile note of hurt in Maria’s voice. “We got married in 2015 so almost five years.”

“Why didn’t the Air Force call you instead of Flint?” Max still sounds suspicious.

“Alex never filed any paperwork with them. He didn’t want Jesse to find out. Pissed me off at the time, but in hindsight,” Michael shrugs

Before anyone else can ask anything, Kyle comes back and points at Michael and Max, “You two with me.”

Kyle ushers them into Alex’s room and locks the door behind him. Michael only half listens as Kyle and Max discuss how much healing he can get away with, and where to touch Alex so the handprint won’t be visible. His attention is on Alex, wanting to see his injuries for himself and biting his tongue to keep from demanding Max heal every bruise, every cut no matter how small.

With the blanket pulled up to his chest, Michael can’t see the damage to his ribs or leg. If it wasn’t for the IV, oxygen tube and the scrapes and bruising developing along the right side of his face, Michael could almost convince himself Alex was sleeping. Except Alex ever sleeps deeply enough to miss three people coming into his room.

Michael sits next to Alex and takes his hand because he needs to touch him. He watches Max slide his hand into the hair on the back of Alex’s head and close his eyes. Michael has never hated Max as much as he does right now. He should be the one healing Alex, it should be his hand, his energy that takes away Alex’s pain. Even though he knows the level of healing Max is limiting himself to won’t produce much, if any, connection, he hates even the idea that Alex could be known to Max in a way he’s never been known to Michael. 

He tightens his grip on Alex’s hand and tries to be grateful for the level of control Max has been forced to develop since coming back from the dead. If he was the one healing Alex, Michael knows he wouldn’t stop no matter what the risk. There’s so much hurt he wants to take away from Alex.

“Dude,” Kyle says sharply, drawing Michael’s attention to the way the bed frame has started to rattle.

Michael takes a deep breath and forces himself to calm down. A minute later, Max steps away from Alex and slumps down in the chair across from Michael. He accepts the bottle of acetone Kyle pulls from his lab coat pocket with a chuckle.

“Looks better,” Kyle gestures to the monitor. “I think it was enough.”

Max nods before turning to Michael. “What the hell, Michael.”

Michael doesn't bother asking what he means. He just starts talking, better to just rip the band-aid off quickly. “Remember the winter I spent in Albuquerque? It wasn’t for a job. Alex had a good chunk of leave after his second tour so we spent it together. He lost a friend of his that tour, and Alex was pretty torn up about it. He was a lot like Alex, had been estranged from his family for years, had a long term girlfriend they didn’t approve of. When he was killed, they weren’t married so all his benefits and everything went to his parents. Alex said it was like she never existed; she wasn’t even allowed at the funeral.”

He sees the look Max and Kyle exchange. It’s not hard to connect the dots, but Michael keeps talking. “Alex said the only thing worse than dying would be letting them hand Jesse a flag while he pretended to be proud instead of just relieved that Alex was dead,” Michael struggles to keep his voice even. He turns away from Alex because he can’t talk about his death while looking at him in a hospital bed. “Alex said if anything ever happened to him, he wanted whatever he had to go to me, that if the government was going to pay someone for his death, he wanted it to be someone who loved him, who he loved.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?

“It was never more than a piece of paper,” Michael shrugs. “His leave ended; I came home. We never talked about what came after. Then the next time I saw him, he told me he reenlisted again. I told him I wasn’t some military wife content with a few weeks a year together, and as far as I was concerned the marriage never happened. We didn’t talk again until he came back to Roswell, and you know how that has gone.”

“I get it, I mean I don’t, but I understand.” Suddenly Max smiles. “You can make it up to me by letting me be there when you tell Isobel.”

Michael groans. He is so screwed. Kyle looks over, and by the pinched expression on his face, Michael can tell he wants to say something. “Your turn,” he gestures for Kyle to speak.

“Why weren’t you there after he got hurt?”

Michael blows out a long breath. He really doesn’t want to talk about this. “He didn’t tell me. It was the last straw for me, you know, between us. He always called me before, when he was hurt even if it was a few days later just so I would know he was alright. But I didn’t find out until I saw him here.”

“I’m sorry,” Kyle says. 

“I never asked him why. Not sure what would be worse, finding out he didn’t want me there or finding out he thought I wouldn’t come. Doesn’t matter how mad I was or how long it had been, I would have been there,” Michael leans back and looks away when he realizes he’d been talking to Alex, not Kyle.

Kyle clears his throat. “His sedation was set to keep him under while his brain healed. I’m reducing it gradually, but could be another twenty-four hours before he wakes up.”

Michael nods as both Kyle and Max head to the door. Kyle pauses before opening it, looking at Michael and Alex’s joined hands. “ICU only allows two visitors at a time.”

“So send them in one at a time,” Micheal moves his chair even closer to the bed.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Kyle smiles at Michael before he leaves.

He’s not expecting the next person through the door to be Forrest.

“I’m going to head out. Kyle said he turned the corner?” Forrest hovers awkwardly at the end of the bed.

“Yeah,” Michael tries not to feel sorry for him. “I’ll let him know you stayed.”

“I really thought aliens were the biggest secret he was keeping from me, guess I was wrong.”

Michael stands up at the mention of aliens, but Forrest waves him down.

“He’s never said anything; it’s just none of you are very subtle. But I’m not going to tell anyone if that’s what you’re worried about. Everyone’s entitled to their secrets. Besides I can’t build a solid academic career if I’m known as the guy who believes in little green men.”

Forrest is something they are going to have to deal, but not now, not until Alex is back with him. So he falls back on his standard sarcasm, “So bad slam poetry isn’t enough to hold you back?”

“I thought when he told me he wasn’t ready for anything serious, it was because he was recovering from a relationship,” Forrest continues as if Michael hadn’t spoken. “Not because he was still in one.”

“Alex and I haven’t been together for a long time.”

“So you both say, and maybe that’s true if you are talking about a physical relationship. But I think in his heart, Alex has never stopped being yours.”

There’s nothing Michael can say to that so he remains silent.

“Anyway, let me know when Alex is ready for visitors.” Forrest leaves before Michael responds.

Rosa is the next one in. She blesses herself and whispers a prayer in Spanish before kissing Alex on the forehead.

“Give me your keys,” she holds her hand out to Michael.

He hands them over without thinking, but stops her at the door. “Why do you need my keys?”

“So I can haul your piece of shit trailer to Alex’s. I’d unpack for you too, but I’m afraid of what I might find in there.”

“Give them back. You can’t just move me in with Alex.”

“Someone has too,” Rose sets her hands on her hips and glares at him. “You two idiots will just keep pining for each other if no one steps in.”

“I don’t pine.”

“Please, I see the way you look at him when you think no one is watching. This is your sign,” she gestures to Alex. “This is the universe telling you to stop looking and do something.”

“What about what Alex wants?”

“Dumbass,” she steps forward and slaps the back of his head. “He literally wrote you a song asking you to come home. Do you need an engraved invitation?. Oh wait, you have one, its called a marriage license.” 

He could take the keys back, pull them right from her pocket without lifting a finger if he wanted to, and she knows it. She smirks at him one last time before leaving. He’s flipping her off as Liz walks in.

“Whoa, that’s no way to greet your best friend.”

“That was for your sister.”

“Rosa has that effect on people.” Liz pulls a chair up next to Michael’s and rests her head on his shoulder. “How is he?”

“Kyle says he’ll be alright, that what Max did was enough, but he probably won’t wake up until tomorrow.,” Michael catches himself playing with Alex’s fingers, trying to get a response. “It’s just weird seeing him like this. Alex was always a restless sleeper, and now he’s so still.”

“I feel like I should tell you I don’t understand, but I do,” Liz says quietly. “I know what it’s like to love someone so much that love feels like the biggest thing in the world, and then have that same love be the source of so much pain. I know what it feels like to be apart from that person because the pain feels too big only to realize that the distance and time did nothing to lessen the love you feel for each other.”

“Sounds like a fairy tale,” Michael says, shaken at how accurate she is.

“It’s not. But there is something about you alien boys,” Liz teases before continuing. “Max and I are still trying to work our way through, and I’m not going to lie and say it’s easy. But if you and Alex love each other as much as it looks like you do, I can tell you it will be worth it.”

“We’re not you and Max.”

“I know. We have it easier. You and Alex grew up not being loved. Max and I have great families, that gives us something to fall back on that you and Alex never had. We know that no matter what happens between us, we have people who love us and support us. It makes it a little easier to risk your heart when you have people who will help you put it back together. I know it’s hard for both of you to see, but you have that too. We’re your family, all of us, not just Max and Isobel. And we’re Alex’s family too. If you guys take that leap, I really believe you’ll catch each other, but if you don’t, we won’t let you fall, either of you.”

“Thank you,” Michael turns and kisses the top of her head.

She pats his thigh then stands up. “I’m going to head home, make sure Max is resting. Let Alex know we’re here for him too. And it’s not just the big things. When you have those days where you can’t stand the sight of each other, or you know if you open your mouth whatever you want to say is going to come out wrong, you can lean on us. You’re not alone Michael, tell Alex that too.”

“I will.”

He’s still trying to process his conversation with Liz when Maria walks in. He doesn’t know what she sees on his face, but she rushes over to hug him. “Hey, no, it’s ok. I’m not going to yell at you.”

Michael just collapses in her arms because he’s emotionally exhausted, and Alex still isn’t awake. He can’t handle the anger he knows he deserves from her right now. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he repeats.

“Shhh,” she runs her hand through his hair then pulls back and frames his face with her hands. “Not today, ok.”

He nods, and they both wipe their eyes.

“Right now I’m too relieved that Alex is going to be alright and too grateful that you managed to save him from whatever hell Flint had planned to be angry. I probably won’t be angry tomorrow either. But once Alex is home I’m going to be so mad at you and at him. You both should have told me. Falling in love with his ex boyfriend was one thing, but his husband,” she shakes her head.

“It wasn’t like that,” Michael sighs and leans back in his chair, picking Alex’s hand back up without thinking about it. “We haven’t thought of ourselves as married for a long time.”

“Then why didn’t you get divorced?”

“Never had a reason to. I offered once, after,” Michael trails off trying to decide how much to say.

“After Texas,” Maria fills in for him.

“Yeah.”

“Why then? I know you’ve been with other people before.”

“It was the first time I thought it might mean something so I asked him if he wanted a divorce. He told his reasons for being married to me hadn’t changed,” Michael thinks for a minute about what information Maria has. It’s getting harder to keep all the conversations straight. “He wanted to make sure if anything happened to him, his benefits went to me not his father. He told me unless it became a problem for me, he didn’t want to change anything.”

“Did he say that about the benefits?”

Michael thinks back and tries to remember anything but the roaring in his ears when he asked Alex if he wanted a divorce. “No, he just said his reasons hadn’t changed. I knew what he meant.”

Maria shakes her head and looks at Michael like he’s somehow disappointed her. “How did you get that copy of your marriage certificate so quickly?”

“It was in my glove compartment.”

“How long has it been there?”

“Since I got it,” Michael’s not sure why it matters.

“Michael, you told me even more that the airstream you thought of the truck as your home. That it was the place you felt safest. And you’ve been carrying your marriage certificate with you for five years.”

“It’s where I keep all my important papers,” as soon as the words are out of his mouth Michael realizes how it sounds.

“Do you have rings?”

“Not exactly. I couldn’t wear one because of my hand so Alex gave me a set of his dog tags,” Michael is starting to feel like he’s taking a test he has no hope of passing.

“Did you wear them?”

“In the beginning,” Michael starts to reach for his pocket, but stops himself.

Maria notices, and he can tell the moment she figures it out. “You keep them in your pocket. I’ve noticed you playing with the chain, but I thought maybe you had a pocket watch or something. Does Alex have a ring?”

“Yeah,” Michael remembers how his hand shook when he pushed the ring onto Alex’s finger. He remembers how he couldn’t stop staring at Alex’s hand the whole time they were in Albuquerque. Then he remembers how much it had hurt to see Alex come home with his left hand bare. “You’ll have to ask Alex what happened to it.” Even as he says it, his eyes slide to the clear plastic bag with Alex’s possessions searching for his wallet where he's noticed the outline of a ring pressed into the leather.

“Michael,” Maria says gently, noticing the bitterness that crept into his voice. “I’m not trying to hurt you. I just want you to see what the rest of us are starting to see. You and Alex may never have figured out how to live together, but you’ve also never let each other go.”

“I don’t think I know how to let him go,” Michael admits.

“Maybe that’s because you aren’t supposed to.”

They sit in silence together for a while just watching Alex before Maria gives him another hug and leaves. After that Michael is mostly left alone. Kyle comes in a few times but other than letting him know everything looks good, he doesn’t push Michael to talk. Nurses come in and out, but after he rejects their first few requests for him to leave the room or get some rest, they ignore him as long as he stays out of the way.

He sleeps on and off in the chair, still holding Alex’s hand, but he’s awake when he finally feels Alex start to stir. It takes a while for Alex to open his eyes. When he does, he looks at Michael, blinking a few times, “You’re here?”

“Yeah, Alex, I’m here.”

“What happened?”

“A car hit you while you were out running. One damn shoe, and you couldn’t keep it tied,” Michael lets out a laugh that’s closer to a sob. 

Michael doesn’t know what kind of alerts Alex set off by waking up, but Kyle comes in before Alex can say anything else. Alex’s attention shifts to Kyle as he shares more details about the accident and goes over his injuries. Michael watches for Alex’s reactions, noting his relief when Kyle tells him Forrest wasn’t hurt and his resignation when he learns about the damage to his leg.

“I’ll keep lessening the sedation, but you’re going to need to rest,” Kyle tells him before leaving.

As if on cue, Alex yawns. He looks at their joined hands that back to Michael’s face. “You’re here,” it sounds less like a question this time.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Michael assures him.

“Good,” Alex smiles before closing his eyes.

The next time Alex wakes up he seems more aware of what’s going on. Michael feeds him ice chips and let’s Kyle and the nurses fuss with monitors and tubes before he tries talking to him. “You comfortable?” he asks once they’re alone.

“Not bad,” Alex says, which Michael knows means he isn’t. “You’re here.”

“Yeah, I’ve been here. Don’t you remember?” Michael reaches for the call button.

“No, I mean you’re still here,” Alex clarifies.

Michael waits until his panic subsides before answering. “Well, they can’t make me leave. Spousal privilege and all that.” He sees the way Alex’s eyes widen. “Sorry, sweetheart, the cat’s out of the bag. Flint was listed as your next of kin, and that wasn’t going to end well.”

“Thank you,” Alex squeezes Michael’s hand. He hadn’t realized he was still holding it. “So who knows?”

“Everyone. Should have held a damn press conference with the number of times I had to answer the same questions. And you slept through all of it.”

“Next time you get hit by the car.”

“Gladly, I heal faster.” Michael would get hit by a hundred cars if it meant never seeing Alex in another hospital bed. “Speaking of healing, Max did a little work on your head injury. Not much since you were already admitted, but we needed to keep your brain in your skull. We don’t think there should be any emotional connection, but do you have a burning desire to see Liz and gaze into her eyes?”

Alex smiles as he pretends to consider it. “No just normal Liz feelings.”

“Do you wish you had a long, boring Russian novel to read?”

“Absolutely not.” 

“That’s a relief,” Michael knows they’ve been joking, his relief is real. He’d sacrifice anything to save Alex, but his privacy wasn’t Michael’s to give. While he trusts Max would have blocked the connection as best he could, his mental control isn’t as strong as Isobel’s. Which reminds him, “Greg and Isobel are still at that retreat so I’ll let you tell them what they missed. And in case you forgot, Isobel hates being the last to know something.” Michael knows she’ll forgive Alex easily enough, but he’ll have to find a way to make it up to her.

“I’m really in trouble then because Greg already knows.”

“You told him?” Michael didn’t think Alex ever talked about him, let alone told anyone they were married.

“He came to see me at rehab and got me drunk one night. Said I cried about you all night long,” Ales smiles, but Michael feels like his heart is breaking. “He told me if he’d known he was going to kill Dad that night at CrashCon, he would have told him just to see the look on his face.”

That makes Michael laugh. He’s starting to understand what Greg and Isobel see in each other. “I knew I liked him.”

“He likes you,” Alex says before his expression turns serious. “Anyone upset?”

“Maria says she’ll be pissed at me later,” Michael remembers what Maria said, but he’ll do whatever it takes to keep her anger focused on him. Alex carries enough guilt. “Kyle’s not too happy with you though.”

“Kyle?” Alex scrunches his face in confusion.

“He said he was counting on being your best man if we ever figured our shit out.”

“He still can be.”

“You, uh, planning to get remarried?” Michael knows it shouldn’t hurt as much as it does, but after just one day of being Alex’s husband, he doesn’t want to give it up again. He tries to pull his hand back, but Alex just tightens his grip.

“Only to you. Maybe if we don’t keep it a secret, we won’t pretend it never happened the next time we get scared.”

“Is that what you think happened? We got scared?”

Alex tries to turn toward Michael but winces. Michael raised the head of his bed so they are eye level. “I don’t know. I know I was afraid of my father taking you away from me, and I think you were afraid I would find out who you are. But we didn’t know how to tell each other that so you thought I was ashamed of you. And I thought you blamed me for your hand and for losing your scholarship. And we turned those fears into reasons to stay apart.”

“We were never good at talking.”

“We’re doing pretty good right now.”

“You’re sedated, and I’m sleep deprived.”

“Michael.” He can tell Alex is starting to get frustrated. “We did talk in the beginning before we started keeping secrets. And all those things we were afraid of happened, and we survived.”

Michael shrugs. He doesn’t know why he’s fighting Alex on this. Alex sounds like he wants to try again, and that’s all Michael wants, but he’s never trusted his own happiness.

“And what about this past year,” Alex continues. “We’ve spent more time together than we ever have in the past. We talk to each other, we _listen_ to each other. I think we have both been afraid to take that next step, but I’m tired of being afraid.”

“It’s a big step, Alex,” Michael argues. “Liz called it a leap.”

“Is it really though? After all these years we’re still married, we still love each other.”

Alex says it with such confidence that it takes Michael’s breath away. He wants to believe him, wants to know it’s not just the drugs talking so he does what he does best and he pushes. “Love isn’t supposed to hurt as much as we’ve hurt each other.”

He sees the way Alex’s expression shuts down, and he feels a vicious sense of victory. He made Alex run just like he always does. But then he watches as Alex takes a few measured breaths and unclenches his jaw. When he looks at Michael, every wall he ever put up between them is gone, and it’s all Michael can do to not look away.

“I’m sorry for every time I hurt you, for every time I made you feel like you weren’t enough, for every time I made you carry the burden of my insecurities and fears. And if that is too much for you to move past, if you’ve come as far as you can, I understand and it’s ok. But you need to tell me, and you need to mean it because if that’s the case, I don’t know what this is,” Alex looks down at their joined hands. “You could have left once Max healed me, but you’re still here, sleeping in a chair next to my bed, holding my hand and giving me hope.”

“Alex,” Michael tries to interrupt, but Alex shakes his head and keeps talking.

“Those months in Albuquerque were the happiest I’ve ever been. I know I fucked up by trying to protect you without protecting us, and I know we’re not the same people we were then. But I’m tired of pretending I’m ever going to love someone else like I love you.”

Michael thinks about the last thing Maria said to him before she left. As she hugged him goodbye, she told him, “When I was in the hospital you prayed for me. But you didn’t pray for Alex. You found a way to save him yourself because you’re the only person you trust with his life. That’s what he means to you.”

He knows if Isobel were here she’d tell him that this was their time and to stop being a damn coward. There will never be a better moment than this one and that makes it both easier and harder to speak.

“I’ve hurt you too,” Michael starts because it feels important to admit that. “I’ve taken my anger out on you, I’ve blamed you for pain others have caused me. I’ve hurt you a hundred different ways, and I’m sorry for all of them. “

“Michael,” Alex stops him. “Maybe this is the wrong thing to say, but I don’t care anymore. When I wrote that song for you, it wasn’t a metaphor. I want to stop putting the past between us. I want you to come home.”

He brings Alex's hand to his lips and kisses it. He needs a minute before he can speak without crying. “I love you,” he can’t believe it’s the first time he’s saying it aloud. It feels like his heart has been beating to the rhythm of those words since he found out Alex was hurt.

“I know,” Alex gives him a soft, sleepy smile, and Michael realizes he won’t be awake much longer.

“Rosa’s bringing the airstream to your house.”

“Is that what you want?” Alex looks so hopeful, but still a little cautious.

Michael rests his head on the edge of the bed and looks up at Alex through the tears in his eyes, “More than anything.”

Alex yawns, and Michael starts to sit up. “No,” Alex shifts a little. “Come up here with me. I don’t want to sleep alone.”

Michael knows it is a bad idea, but it will be a long time before he’s willing to say no to Alex. He tries to get in the bed without hurting Alex. “Valenti is going to kill me,” he says as he settles carefully next to Alex.

“Best man, remember.”

Hearing Alex casually talk about their future heals parts of Michael’s heart he’d forgotten were broken. He hadn’t let himself think about the promises they made and the dreams they shared in years. It hurt too much to remember what should have been. But now he realized they were never forgotten, just hidden away until they were strong enough to believe in them again.

Alex settles so his head is resting on Michael’s shoulder. Michael kisses the top of his head and reaches for his hand again. He’s already used to the feel of Alex’s hand in his.

“I can get you a ring this time.”

“I’m not giving your dog tags back.” Michael loves the idea of wearing Alex’s ring, but those dog tags were all he had of Alex for a long time.

“There yours,” Alex smothers another yawn in Michael’s shoulder. 

Within a few minutes Michael can tell he’s asleep. Michael’s tired, but he doesn’t want to sleep instead he’s content to hold Alex and let the weight of him against his side be a reminder that this is real. Alex is going to be alright, and they are finally ready to be together.

He waves Kyle away when he starts to come in, but not before he gives Michael a thumbs up and holds out his phone. Michael is glad he remembered to put his phone on silent when it vibrates in his pocket a moment later. He opens the group chat to find Kyle sent a picture of Michael and Alex in the bed together captioned with a whole row of hearts. He turns off his phone before the replies can start coming in and closes his eyes. He’ll show it to Alex when he wakes up when they can laugh about Kyle’s romantic streak together.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * A [Restricted Work] by [Podcath](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Podcath/pseuds/Podcath) Log in to view. 




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